Slow Bullets: A blog site by novelist John Rachel: 2024

Sunday, December 8, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Deehl

Posted on December 6, 2024 by johnrachel

Deehl was very quiet. Finally she said …

“I’m kind of shy.”

Hmm. What could she be shy about? I tried to second guess her.

“You speak English perfectly!”

“I haven’t said much … but thanks. That’s very sweet.”

“Just stating fact.”

“Hmm. I don’t want to confuse you. But …”

“But what?”

“Just because you hear English doesn’t mean I’m speaking English.”

That’s all she said.

I really had to think about that. I still do, as a matter of fact.

I studied philosophy in college. What she pointed out refers to the paradox of perception. When I see the color red, is it the same color — meaning the actual color that appears in your vision — as you see?

Maybe I’m in truth writing this in Chinese. But you see it on the page and read it as English.

So … to those of you who want to know: Do they speak English?

All I can now say is: That’s a very good question!

What I do know is that mermaids are very smart. And at least the ones I met — with a few exceptions — are phenomenal cooks!

Do you want to hear more about my unique adventures? How about having your own copy of my book?

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time — sale extended until January 2nd! — for 25% off the regular price . . . order it here directly from the printer.

By the way, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

JUST DO IT!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Deehl | John Rachel

Wednesday, December 4, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Chif

“Chif. You are stunning.”

“I love that word. It can be taken a couple different ways. Am I a stun gun? Are you a drooling lump spread eagle on the floor? Have you lost control of your body fluids?”

“I … I … well …”

“Word is you haven’t said anything like that to any of the other mermaids. Why am I single out for flattery, John? I know you’re happily married, so you’re not coming on to me. But … I am … I am … black! Really really black! You had to let me know that in spite of that, I passed with flying colors. Yes … I’m stunning!”

“Hey! It’s not a racist thing. I’m color blind.”

“None of you top-siders are color blind. It’s something you haven’t yet and maybe never will evolve beyond. You’ve got your flags. Gang colors. School colors.”

What could I say? She was right.

My only question is: How do they know so much about us? How do they manage to figure out things about us that we can’t? From watching our movies and browsing on a smart phone for a couple weeks?

Maybe this stuff is so obvious, so in our face, we look right past it. It’s hiding in plain sight!

It’s always a journey of discovery to see ourselves through the eyes of others. So imagine what it’s like seeing ourselves through the eyes of MERMAIDS!

There’s a lot more where that came from. I met 23 mermaids in all. If you want a real walk on the wild side, check out my book.

The ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time (special sale has been extended to January 2nd) for 25% off the regular price . . . order it directly from the printer.

Plus, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

BLUB BLUB!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Chif | John Rachel

Sunday, December 1, 2024

“Mermaids” Special Sale Extended till January 2nd!

My publisher, Literary Vagabond Books, is swept up in the holiday spirit . . .

The special sale on the deluxe print version of What Do Mermaids Eat? has been extended! Again!

This large-format, full-color book is truly stunning! And more importantly . . . IT’S FUN!

Buy a copy for 25% off the regular price direct from the printer HERE.

Or buy a copy for 25% off the regular price from Amazon . . .

Of course, it’s also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

I’m a little biased. But I can’t think of a better way to put a few more smiles in your holiday season and ring in the New Year!

Mermaids are so lovable!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

“Mermaids” Special Sale Extended till January 2nd! | John Rachel

Sunday, November 17, 2024

How Did I Arrange to Meet the Mermaids?

Understandably, people want to know how I connected with the 23 mermaids I met. Of course, running into Corinne was a fluke.

It was late — 2 or 3 am — and I was returning home from a bar/restaurant on Anjuna Beach in Goa. I had been dancing and making new friends, but finally exhausted and ready for some serious sleep, was heading back to my guest house. I was of course alone.

I saw something writhing on the beach ahead of me. A beached porpoise? It was dark and hard to make out what it could be.

As I approached it stopped moving. I pulled out a small flashlight and pointed it.

There was Corinne.

She asked me to keep her “secret”. I did. I didn’t take her photo, looking vulnerable and afraid there on the beach, then post it on Twitter. A couple days later, I showed up at her vacation condo and that was the beginning of this unbelievable adventure.

Now what I’m going to tell you sounds like something a crazy, third-rate author would make up. But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. It’s so cliché, yet so zany … could I even make up something like this?

From that day forward, whenever I planned to visit some seaside resort someplace in the world, all I had to do was put a note in a bottle, just like the one at the top of this page, and throw it in the ocean.

Then wherever I ended up, a note would either show up at the reception desk of my hotel, or be slipped under my door, telling me the whereabouts and time to drop by. I would go and voilà! There would be a new mermaid, either making me an incredible meal, or opening a can of SpaghettiOs. I have no idea how they found out where I was staying, or how the note to me got delivered. It just happened.

Like I said, all of this sounds like a fairy tale — or a big fat joke — but this is how it went.

It only failed on two occasions, in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I don’t know what happened — maybe the bottle got swallowed by a blue whale or sucked into an intake tube of a luxury liner — but I never heard anything.

So that’s my story.

Curious to learn more about these beautiful creatures from the deep?

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time (until December 2nd) for 25% off the regular price . . . order it directly from the printer or from Amazon.

Additionally, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice …

If you act immediately, it’ll be there in time for Thanksgiving. Then you have a choice: Watch football on TV for 12 hours or . . . dive into the fantasy world of exotic mermaids!

[ This originated at the author's personal website https://jdrachel.com ]

How Did I Arrange to Meet the Mermaids? | John Rachel

Friday, November 15, 2024

Life In Japan: “Sasayama Mary”

Meet Sasayama Mary!

Yes, she’s a cat-woman. Or is it woman-cat?

How did this happen? Very interesting story indeed!

Sasayama Mary was a very popular and successful fortune teller. As her success mounted, those around her became envious and spiteful. She found herself abandoned. When her best friend turned on her, it was the last painful straw. She became depressed and withdrawn, not sure where to head with her life.

Then attending a Halloween costume party changed everything, She went to the party as a cat. As she mixed among the guests, the smiles of delight were evident. She was making people happy! It felt good to again be accepted and to spread some joy in the world.

Thus, Sasayama Mary, the feline celebrity of our sleepy little town, was born! Currently, she only appears in public as a cat and can be seen anywhere and everywhere around town.

Masumi reminded me that we originally spotted her at our Dekansho Festival. I remember seeing her but just assumed it was another person dressed up specifically for the occasion, a common practice. But no, this was Sasayama Mary, doing her thing.

How we officially just met . . .

We had guests last weekend and were sitting in the store of our friends, Keiko-san and her husband Yatsushi-san, when in strolled a human-size cat! To put it mildly, I was surprised … amazed … delighted!

Sasayama Mary sat down with us and we got acquainted. Meow!

About the folks in this photo, starting bottom right and going clockwise: Of course, first is my wife Masumi. She’s a public school music teacher, phenomenal piano player and opera singer, is currently studying cello, drums, and ballet. Then there’s Sasayama Mary. My wife loves cats. Maybe that’s why she’s sitting next to her.

Coming around the circle, there’s yours truly. My Facebook Profile says “I can balance a Boeing 767 on my nose while I dance Swan Lake. I see hope where others see soap.” That’s really all you need to know about me.

Next are Yatsushi-san and Keiko-san. They are genuinely amazing people. They have built over thirty schools in Bangladesh. In the background of the photo, you can see pics on the wall of some of the hundreds of students they’ve helped with their education.

Next lady is Yoko-san, married to Gary-san. Yoko used to work for the World Bank. Through her contacts, she was able to arrange a huge grant for Yatsushi’s and Keiko’s NPO, funding the construction of at least five schools in Bangladesh. Finally, her American husband, Gary, is a poet, philosopher, political writer, formerly a teacher.

It’s certainly true that the tiny city I live in, Tambasasayama, is a quiet, traditional, rural town. But don’t think for a minute, it’s only farmers and rice fields we have here. Some rather unique and interesting people live here and come to visit. Does your home town have a cat-lady?

By the way, Sasayama Mary has an Instagram page. It’s truly a walk on the wild side. Check it out!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

Life In Japan: “Sasayama Mary” | John Rachel

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . My First 5-Star Review!

It’s short. Right to the point: My first 5-star review on What Do Mermaids Eat? at Amazon.

Granted — not boasting — all of my books get mostly 5-star reviews. But each time, it starts with just one. It’s always rewarding to see that my hard work is appreciated and respected. That first bit of praise is always very gratifying, and frankly, EXCITING!

What I like about this very concise review is that it emphasizes how beautiful the printing of the book is. Of course, the ebooks always look dazzling, since they present the original color digital photos and graphics. But this being only the second time I did this — the first being Live From Japan! — What Do Mermaids Eat? is full-color, cover-to-cover, on deluxe paper.

IT LOOKS GREAT! If I saw this in a bookstore and didn’t know me personally, I’d still be very tempted to own this book. And at home, I’d have it in full view, maybe on my coffee table or kitchen counter. Talk about a conversation starter!

Right now, it’s priced as low as it can be. 25% off the deluxe, full-color paperback. For sure it will be available for only $29.95 until December 2nd. That may be extended through the entire holiday season because . . . well, it’s the holiday season. The season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la!

And as I’ve mentioned before, this unique fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

Hey! Let’s have some fun! The book is relatively inexpensive and smiling is free!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . My First 5-Star Review! | John Rachel

Monday, November 11, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Tanya & Chloe

Meet Tanya and Chloe. I encountered them on Bonaire Island in the Dutch Antilles. Very interesting pair. I think they were an item, whatever that means in the world of mermaids.

Not that it was in any way a problem for me. I have no LGBTQ+ issues.

Chloe tried to explain the way mermaids view the boy/girl thing we topsiders seem to be so pre-occupied with.

“You topsiders sure invest a lot of time and energy …”

Tanya interjected, “And money!”

“… yes, money too, in the whole male-female thing.”

I shrugged and probably looked puzzled. “It’s pretty fundamental for us.”

She swiveled the stool she was sitting in to face me, then stretched her body out. “What do you see? Can you tell if I’m male or female?”

“You have breasts.”

“So do sumo wrestlers. What about down below?”

She was right, of course. No obvious signs one way or other.

“And if you were to meet all two million or so of us, that’s what you’d see.”

“There’s two million mermaids in the world?”

“Give or take ten thousand or so. No one knows for sure. The oceans are enormous!”

“You’re really blowing my mind!”

Admittedly, that was a gross understatement. Every time I met a mermaid, my mind was getting blown. I’m surprised I can think at all.

Do you want to hear more about my unique adventures? How about having your own copy?

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time (until December 2nd) for 25% off the regular price . . . order it directly from the printer.

By the way, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

JUST DO IT!

[ This originated at the author's personal web site . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Tanya & Chloe | John Rachel

Thursday, October 10, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Rahqa | John Rachel

I admit that when I met Rahqa, I was surprised — a little shocked — seeing all of her MUSCLES and TATTOOS!

She was definitely unique.

But beyond being a health addict and alt-cultural, Rahqa was an activist, very concerned and upset about the way humans are treating the oceans.

Rahqa: “Did you know there’s an island of plastic garbage the size of Texas floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.”

Me: “That sounds bad.”

Rahqa: “Don’t get daffy on me now.”

Me: “Actually, I do know that but it’s not something I think about.”

Rahqa: “Well, please start. And tell your friends. Stop with all the plastic!”

Yes, she was fiery and beautiful! And a damn good cook. For our dinner, she whipped up Fruit of the Isles Sesame Crusted Mahi Mahi in Pineapple Sauce. I even included the recipe!

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available pre-publication for a limited time (until November 2nd) for 25% off the regular price.

What Do Mermaids Eat? direct from the printer. JUST DO IT!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Rahqa | John Rachel