Slow Bullets: A blog site by novelist John Rachel: mermaids

Showing posts with label mermaids. Show all posts

Sunday, December 8, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Deehl

Posted on December 6, 2024 by johnrachel

Deehl was very quiet. Finally she said …

“I’m kind of shy.”

Hmm. What could she be shy about? I tried to second guess her.

“You speak English perfectly!”

“I haven’t said much … but thanks. That’s very sweet.”

“Just stating fact.”

“Hmm. I don’t want to confuse you. But …”

“But what?”

“Just because you hear English doesn’t mean I’m speaking English.”

That’s all she said.

I really had to think about that. I still do, as a matter of fact.

I studied philosophy in college. What she pointed out refers to the paradox of perception. When I see the color red, is it the same color — meaning the actual color that appears in your vision — as you see?

Maybe I’m in truth writing this in Chinese. But you see it on the page and read it as English.

So … to those of you who want to know: Do they speak English?

All I can now say is: That’s a very good question!

What I do know is that mermaids are very smart. And at least the ones I met — with a few exceptions — are phenomenal cooks!

Do you want to hear more about my unique adventures? How about having your own copy of my book?

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time — sale extended until January 2nd! — for 25% off the regular price . . . order it here directly from the printer.

By the way, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

JUST DO IT!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Deehl | John Rachel

Wednesday, December 4, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Chif

“Chif. You are stunning.”

“I love that word. It can be taken a couple different ways. Am I a stun gun? Are you a drooling lump spread eagle on the floor? Have you lost control of your body fluids?”

“I … I … well …”

“Word is you haven’t said anything like that to any of the other mermaids. Why am I single out for flattery, John? I know you’re happily married, so you’re not coming on to me. But … I am … I am … black! Really really black! You had to let me know that in spite of that, I passed with flying colors. Yes … I’m stunning!”

“Hey! It’s not a racist thing. I’m color blind.”

“None of you top-siders are color blind. It’s something you haven’t yet and maybe never will evolve beyond. You’ve got your flags. Gang colors. School colors.”

What could I say? She was right.

My only question is: How do they know so much about us? How do they manage to figure out things about us that we can’t? From watching our movies and browsing on a smart phone for a couple weeks?

Maybe this stuff is so obvious, so in our face, we look right past it. It’s hiding in plain sight!

It’s always a journey of discovery to see ourselves through the eyes of others. So imagine what it’s like seeing ourselves through the eyes of MERMAIDS!

There’s a lot more where that came from. I met 23 mermaids in all. If you want a real walk on the wild side, check out my book.

The ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time (special sale has been extended to January 2nd) for 25% off the regular price . . . order it directly from the printer.

Plus, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

BLUB BLUB!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Chif | John Rachel

Sunday, December 1, 2024

“Mermaids” Special Sale Extended till January 2nd!

My publisher, Literary Vagabond Books, is swept up in the holiday spirit . . .

The special sale on the deluxe print version of What Do Mermaids Eat? has been extended! Again!

This large-format, full-color book is truly stunning! And more importantly . . . IT’S FUN!

Buy a copy for 25% off the regular price direct from the printer HERE.

Or buy a copy for 25% off the regular price from Amazon . . .

Of course, it’s also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

I’m a little biased. But I can’t think of a better way to put a few more smiles in your holiday season and ring in the New Year!

Mermaids are so lovable!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

“Mermaids” Special Sale Extended till January 2nd! | John Rachel

Sunday, November 17, 2024

How Did I Arrange to Meet the Mermaids?

Understandably, people want to know how I connected with the 23 mermaids I met. Of course, running into Corinne was a fluke.

It was late — 2 or 3 am — and I was returning home from a bar/restaurant on Anjuna Beach in Goa. I had been dancing and making new friends, but finally exhausted and ready for some serious sleep, was heading back to my guest house. I was of course alone.

I saw something writhing on the beach ahead of me. A beached porpoise? It was dark and hard to make out what it could be.

As I approached it stopped moving. I pulled out a small flashlight and pointed it.

There was Corinne.

She asked me to keep her “secret”. I did. I didn’t take her photo, looking vulnerable and afraid there on the beach, then post it on Twitter. A couple days later, I showed up at her vacation condo and that was the beginning of this unbelievable adventure.

Now what I’m going to tell you sounds like something a crazy, third-rate author would make up. But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. It’s so cliché, yet so zany … could I even make up something like this?

From that day forward, whenever I planned to visit some seaside resort someplace in the world, all I had to do was put a note in a bottle, just like the one at the top of this page, and throw it in the ocean.

Then wherever I ended up, a note would either show up at the reception desk of my hotel, or be slipped under my door, telling me the whereabouts and time to drop by. I would go and voilà! There would be a new mermaid, either making me an incredible meal, or opening a can of SpaghettiOs. I have no idea how they found out where I was staying, or how the note to me got delivered. It just happened.

Like I said, all of this sounds like a fairy tale — or a big fat joke — but this is how it went.

It only failed on two occasions, in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I don’t know what happened — maybe the bottle got swallowed by a blue whale or sucked into an intake tube of a luxury liner — but I never heard anything.

So that’s my story.

Curious to learn more about these beautiful creatures from the deep?

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time (until December 2nd) for 25% off the regular price . . . order it directly from the printer or from Amazon.

Additionally, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice …

If you act immediately, it’ll be there in time for Thanksgiving. Then you have a choice: Watch football on TV for 12 hours or . . . dive into the fantasy world of exotic mermaids!

[ This originated at the author's personal website https://jdrachel.com ]

How Did I Arrange to Meet the Mermaids? | John Rachel

Monday, November 11, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Tanya & Chloe

Meet Tanya and Chloe. I encountered them on Bonaire Island in the Dutch Antilles. Very interesting pair. I think they were an item, whatever that means in the world of mermaids.

Not that it was in any way a problem for me. I have no LGBTQ+ issues.

Chloe tried to explain the way mermaids view the boy/girl thing we topsiders seem to be so pre-occupied with.

“You topsiders sure invest a lot of time and energy …”

Tanya interjected, “And money!”

“… yes, money too, in the whole male-female thing.”

I shrugged and probably looked puzzled. “It’s pretty fundamental for us.”

She swiveled the stool she was sitting in to face me, then stretched her body out. “What do you see? Can you tell if I’m male or female?”

“You have breasts.”

“So do sumo wrestlers. What about down below?”

She was right, of course. No obvious signs one way or other.

“And if you were to meet all two million or so of us, that’s what you’d see.”

“There’s two million mermaids in the world?”

“Give or take ten thousand or so. No one knows for sure. The oceans are enormous!”

“You’re really blowing my mind!”

Admittedly, that was a gross understatement. Every time I met a mermaid, my mind was getting blown. I’m surprised I can think at all.

Do you want to hear more about my unique adventures? How about having your own copy?

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available for a limited time (until December 2nd) for 25% off the regular price . . . order it directly from the printer.

By the way, this stunning fantasy/travel/cookbook is also available as an ebook, in the format of your choice . . .

JUST DO IT!

[ This originated at the author's personal web site . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Tanya & Chloe | John Rachel

Thursday, October 10, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Rahqa | John Rachel

I admit that when I met Rahqa, I was surprised — a little shocked — seeing all of her MUSCLES and TATTOOS!

She was definitely unique.

But beyond being a health addict and alt-cultural, Rahqa was an activist, very concerned and upset about the way humans are treating the oceans.

Rahqa: “Did you know there’s an island of plastic garbage the size of Texas floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.”

Me: “That sounds bad.”

Rahqa: “Don’t get daffy on me now.”

Me: “Actually, I do know that but it’s not something I think about.”

Rahqa: “Well, please start. And tell your friends. Stop with all the plastic!”

Yes, she was fiery and beautiful! And a damn good cook. For our dinner, she whipped up Fruit of the Isles Sesame Crusted Mahi Mahi in Pineapple Sauce. I even included the recipe!

As I mentioned before, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available pre-publication for a limited time (until November 2nd) for 25% off the regular price.

What Do Mermaids Eat? direct from the printer. JUST DO IT!

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Rahqa | John Rachel

Monday, October 7, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Corinne

Meet Corinne. Read all about her and 18 other mermaids in the most uniquely beautiful fantasy/travel/cookbook ever!

When I met Corinne, I noticed that the left side of her body seemed weak, almost limp. She noticed me noticing.

Corinne: “You’re probably wondering about this. I got broadsided by a nuclear submarine.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Corinne: “Well, it wasn’t your fault. Then again. It was American. You don’t happen to drive a submarine, do you?”

And so it went. Every mermaid had unique and astonishing stories. And they all had a lot to say about we land-based humans, out gadgets, our movies, our celebrities, our music, our way of life and priorities. To say it was both entertaining and fascinating would be a gross understatement.

You can read about how I met the mermaids HERE.

By the way, the ultimate deluxe full-color paperback is available pre-publication for a limited time (until November 2nd) for 25% off the regular price. Go HERE for details! Or order it now directly from the printer.

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? . . . Corinne | John Rachel

Saturday, June 22, 2024

What Do Mermaids Eat?

I’m thinking about how many times in my life someone has asked me this question . . .

“What Do Mermaids Eat?”

Ah hah! I remember. ONE TIME!

That was when my unpredictable, truly fascinating Japanese wife was sitting across from me in a café on Taketomi Island, Okinawa.

We had just come from swimming at a lovely beach. Unfortunately, the water was very shallow and the entire seabed was covered with sea cucumbers. We had to walk very carefully, scoping out the sandy bottom every step we took.

Sea cucumbers in a word are disgusting! They are ugly tubes of squishy flesh that seem to have no purpose on the planet. They don’t move. They just lay there. If you’re unlucky enough to step on one, it’s an unpleasant sensation, like stepping on an intestine.

We survived the attack of the sea cucumbers — now there’s a great movie title if I ever heard one — dried off, then stopped at the café on the way back to our guest house. While we ate a snack lunch, we were engaged in light conversation, generally in very high spirits, being in the luxurious warmth of the sun and pleasant blowing breeze of this Japanese paradise. I made a few more wise cracks about how repulsive the sea cucumbers were, how drab and pointless their lives are, and asked jokingly, “What the hell do those things eat?”

Masumi smiled and said, “And what about mermaids? What do mermaids eat?”

That was the one time. And it became the inspiration for my latest book!

After several years in development, this fantasy/travel/cookbook will be available next month. And yes, you’ll find out first hand the answer to this salient, very thought-provoking question.

I promise you: It’ll be fun. It’s a book to treasure over the years, guaranteed to bring smiles to anyone who reads the stories.

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

What Do Mermaids Eat? | John Rachel