I believe in seeking the truth. And seeking the truth requires careful observation, collection of all relevant evidence, and a dispassionate, objective evaluation of that evidence, drawing from it an acceptable and incontrovertible conclusion.
For all of my life, I’ve been looking at paintings. The fact is — as boring as this makes me as a person — when I visit a new city, among my first stops is an art gallery.
This means that over the many decades of my life, I’ve viewed thousands of paintings, works of art ranging from centuries past right up until the present.
Only very recently, however, I noticed something which had previously never caught my attention. And while I can’t put an exact date on it, this mind-blowing epiphany is . . .
Until only about 200 years ago, NO ONE HAD EYELASHES!
Go ahead! I challenge you. Find me a painting from the 18th Century or before where a person who either was part of some broader scene or individually featured in a portrait, has eyelashes.
YOU CAN’T!
Now the indisputable truth is that until various fanciful post-realism genres — e.g. Impressionism, Expressionism, Surrealism, Fauvism, Cubism — caught hold and laid the visual foundation for the social-political chaos we are now immersed in, artists were meticulous, not to say OCD, about capturing every detail and nuance of the objects and subjects of their paintings.
I’m forced — by my strict adherence to the laws of empiricism and logic — to draw only one conclusion: If people had eyelashes back then, we would see them in the paintings.
Which means, eyelashes are a recent phenomenon, a genetic innovation which burst on the scene, literally thrusting itself suddenly and dramatically into the human genome, only quite recently.
Could I be wrong?
Actually, why should we be surprised? Do you think anyone moonwalked before 1932? Is there any evidence of a knock-knock joke that pre-dates Shakespeare? When it comes to humans, it doesn’t necessarily take millennia for big evolutionary leaps to occur.
I’m sure that this “missing eyelash” enigma can be explained with some careful, focused investigation, rigorous research, applying scientific method with precision and a passion for discovering the truth. So here’s my offer: If the National Science Foundation or any other charitable trust is willing to allocate a few million dollars, I’m more than happy to look into this rather curious matter, producing some solid and satisfying answers.
Click here to obtain my PayPal account ID.
