John Rachel poet? Is this a joke?

 

I've made no secret of my lack of understanding of poetry, nor my thus to be expected zero talent for writing poetry. 

I'm not sure why I write poems.  I guess a poem has some vague resemblance to a song at a very superficial level -- meaning the way it looks on a page -- and I haven't been writing songs lately.  Let's call it reverse sublimation, a clumsy surrogation.  My writing poems is like a ping pong player playing tennis blindfolded on a quicksand court.

I even did a tongue-in-cheek piece about the process of creating a poem, one which I've tastelessly shared with some serious poets, and made even more enemies than I thought one human could make, with just a few clicks of a mouse.

Now, really strange things are happening.  I just got four poems published!

Apparently I've submitted some poems lately.  I say "apparently" because I frankly don't remember submitting two of them.  But one called Messenger Deranged just appeared in a poetry magazine called Lone Stars, based in San Antonio, Texas.  They even requested more and I submitted two more, One Life and Light and Dark, which my lovely wife then translated into Japanese.  Lone Star will publish both English and Japanese versions in their December issue, the English under my name, the Japanese as poetic works by Masumi Nishida.

Then just today, I got a congratulatory letter from VerbalArt, A Global Journal Devoted to Poets and Poetry.  They are including my poem Tapioca Cyber Trails in their upcoming issue, appropriately splattered across all seven continents like a Cardassian tanker of jellied starch blasted out of the sky by a orbiting rail gun.

Mind you, I barely remember writing this poem, so it was quite a surprise when I read it. They sent me a proof of the coming issue for my approval.  There it was, right on page 17. 

What a pleasant surprise!  It's actually pretty darn good, i.e. not terribly terrible.  Not to inflate expectations, I actually think this almost qualifies as a credible work.

I'll let you be the judge.

TAPIOCA CYBER TRAILS

A sweet jest broke water
Birthing artificial intelligence
As if the clusters of CPUs
Marked the non-event event
We reeled and rollicked
In childish mirth-driven panic
Salivating porn-addicted cherubs
Lost in the heavy-breathing fog
Flying the vaporous trails
Of evaporating illusion
We wept but didn’t

You are no more
I’ve remade you
In my image
In your image
I fear meeting you again
I fear disappointment
Shattered expectations
Revulsion and despair
A binary epitaph
Suicide is in our DNA
Zero one zero one

[ DO NOT ask me what it means . . . I haven't got a clue. ]

They always say when warning against getting too excited or overly optimistic:

"Don't quit your day job."

Since I don't have a day job, night job, weekend job, or any job, I think this is advice I can follow without any risk of failure.

Moreover, I certainly don't want to let any opportunities for fabulous riches and universal renown slip through my gnarly, hangnail afflicted fingers.  And the poetry track has proven to be a straight shot to the top.  Maybe I should finally call that number on the ad I posted in that article on writing poetry I mentioned.




If all works out as I expect, instead of signing all my letters . . .

John Rachel, Bipolar Humanist

. . . very soon I can proudly -- and profitably -- stake my claim to untold wealth, fame and adulation as . . .

John Rachel, Poet




[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . http://jdrachel.com ]




John Rachel poet? Is this a joke?

Trump Makes Russian the Official Language of the U.S.

In a surprise move that caught just about everyone flat-footed, President Donald Trump by executive order today made Russian the official language of the United States of America.

Trump came out of the box swinging.  When a reporter yelled out a question to him on the 7th hole at the Trump International Golf Course, the president appeared very excited and wasn't going to take any crap from anyone about his controversial decision.

"I promised jobs, didn't I?  Well, we've got a helluva lot of signs to replace.  Also a lot of smart phones.  The Russian alphabet is in . . . uh . . . acrylic.  It's a whole different deal from our alphabet.  A whole different deal!  But I tell ya, it's great!  Really really great! Gotta say, I can't wait to start Tweeting in Russian!"

 

Of course, this announcement comes on the heels -- just 48 hours -- of another truly extraordinary development, that of Trump's replacement of Nikki Haley with Alex Jones as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations. 

With the efficiency that is becoming the hallmark of this administration, the transition was quick.  Literally the following day, Ambassador Jones was seen sitting at a U.N. Security Council session with bottles of his highly-acclaimed Caveman nutritional supplement lined up in front of him, as he read a new U.S.-sponsored resolution proposing that UNESCO, under the auspices of NATO, administer Crimea as a newly-founded leper colony.

Right after Trump signed the executive order mandating the change in the U.S.'s official language, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was interviewed at a charter school volley ball meet she was attending in the Hamptons:  "Well, it's a challenge.  But we're making America great again.  So we've got a handle on it.  Some of my best friends are Russian.  And hey!  Have you ever had a Black Russian?  Come on!  Don't give me that look!  I'm not talking about sex.  I mean the drink.  It's vodka and Kahlúa.  Yum yum!"  Asked about how this might impact her plans for retooling America's educational institutions, she replied:  "Obviously we need some native speakers fluent in Russian.  But we're on top of it.  I was online just this morning and personally hired over forty excellent teachers, so no worries.  I'd say we've got this covered."

 

Among pundits, Rachel Maddow was first in line to lambast Trump's game-changing maneuver.  She called it a cheap Soviet-style stunt to sabotage the important work of Congress.  Under the strict guidelines established by the directive, from now on, all of the business of government -- including any calls for Trump's impeachment -- must be conducted in America's new official language.  Maddow looked into the camera and seething with contempt said, "He knows no one up on Capitol Hill knows any Russian. He and his KGB buddy Putin are behind this treachery . . . having a big laugh at the expense of the American people."

Unfortunately, no one understood a word of her acrimonious rant.  Since Trump's order was already in effect, her entire show was overdubbed in Russian.  No English sub-titles were made available.

What really prompted Trump's bold, unprecedented move?

Of course, there's much speculation.  Hillary Clinton along with the DNC leadership posed under a huge banner that said:  See? We Told You So!  Because it wasn't in Russian, they were promptly arrested and are now awaiting arraignment.

 

Perhaps more reliably, an unnamed source from within the president's most private circles at Mar-a-Lago -- rumor has it that it's an African-American maid named Jemima -- stated that Ivanka Trump had just received a Matryoshka doll from a friend in Russia and was carrying on about the gift:  "Oh daddy!  Isn't this just adorable?  I love everything about Russia!"  President Trump reportedly then smiled, and looking dreamily at her breasts, proudly patted her on the butt and said:  "That's my girl!"

We thus conclude that as with the cruise missile attack on the Al Shayrat air base in Syria, Trump will do anything to keep his daughter happy.  Having everyone in this great nation of ours speaking Russian from now on was just his gift to his precious little daughter.

Ivanka is a Russian name, isn't it?


[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . http://jdrachel.com ]



Trump Makes Russian the Official Language of the U.S.