The Worst Book in the History of the World!

I’ve put the finishing touches on the worst book ever written.

Scheduled publication date is December 18, 2020 — a day that will go down in infamy.

This book will offend everyone.

The woke crowd will find it so politically incorrect, they’ll only stop gagging long enough to upchuck screechy memes about gender bias, misogyny, and homophobia.

Normal folks will find it beyond rude and insulting. They’ll see themselves in the story. It’s not a flattering picture.

Critics will resist even pretending to look at it. The plot is one long flat-line, the characters one-dimensional, the premise facile and implausible, the message superficial and without any redeeming qualities.

I’ve warned my friends and relatives to stay as far away from this piece of literary garbage as possible. If curiosity gets the better of them, I accept no blame and take no responsibility. They were warned.

Why would I write something like this?

That’s easy. In the world of digital publishing, in this age of internet mania, click bait, and mindgame porn, the #1 priority is to separate yourself from the crowd, stand out, get people talking. As an author, there are only two ways to do this. Either write the best book in the world or the worst. I took the easy route.

I’ve achieved what no other author has achieved, or even tried to achieve. This book is so bad, it’s in a class by itself.

It’s a sure #1 at Amazon in … 

Literature / Contemporary Fiction / Psychological Dystopia / Euthanasia / Brain Freeze / No Refunds

I’m asking each and every one of you out there to immediately buy this book. I don’t know most of you personally but I want your money. And you don’t know where I live. Don’t come looking for a refund.

Come on! Get on the bandwagon. Sex, Lies & Coffee Beans will give you something to talk about with every one else standing in the checkout lines at Walmart or waiting to get tested for Covid-19.

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

The Worst Book in the History of the World! | John Rachel

Life In Japan: White Day

Japan is a gift-giving culture.  There are hardly any occasions for which it is not customary or at least acceptable to proffer a gift.  A visit, a lunch at someone's house, health issues, news of even the lightest import -- new pet, new home, new car, new set of dentures,  -- knitting socks, harvesting soybeans, a near traffic accident.  Yes, I had a lady almost hit me on my bicycle with her car -- she slammed on her brakes and literally stopped with her bumper against my pant leg -- track me down (not very hard since I'm the only elderly Westerner in the area with Rod Stewart hair), and leave a bag of eggplants on my porch.  Add this abundance of uniquely Japanese magnanimity to the conventional observances which most modern developed economies share and have duly exploited to nauseating levels of melodrama and sentimentality -- weddings, funerals, graduations,  anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day -- means hefty dividends for anyone heavily invested in industries making gift-wrapping, ribbons and bows.

Amplifying the initial impetus for graciousness and generosity driving the whole gifting frenzy -- evidently hard-wired into Japanese people -- the act of giving a gift triggers a immediate, requisite response, a reciprocation in kind, the product of heart-felt appreciation for the original gesture:  The 'thank-you-for-the gift' gift.

"どうもありがとうございました！"  (Thank you so very much!)

"どういたしまして！"   (You are indeed very welcome!)



It is beyond any dispute:  If gift-giving were for some mysterious reason to suddenly come to a halt here, the entire Japanese economy would collapse within hours.

One month after Valentines Day in Japan -- meaning March 14th -- we have White Day.
White Day is the occasion for the guys to give to the girls sweet treats and other simple gifts, payback for bestowing on them piles of chocolate and other heart-shaped confections on February 14th.

Is it tit-for-tat?  Do guys at least for this simple, rather innocent holiday put their chauvinism on hold, do the expected thing by giving a thank-you-for-the gift' gift?

Some do.  Others ignore most of the girls who've been generous with them and just give a White Day treat to the one(s) they're interested in, as in viewing with something remotely resembling romantic interest.

Whatever the case, while diabetes is on the increase here in Japan, afflicting around 6% of the population, it still is ranks far behind the three leaders:  India, China, and the U.S.

Not that many people worry about the insulinary efficiency of their pancreas on either Valentines or White Day.  That would probably be true just about anywhere in the world.

Time for a Snickers bar, anyone?


[ This originated at the author's personal page . . . http://jdrachel.com ]



Life In Japan: White Day

Life In Japan: Valentines Day

日本の女の子たちはとても素敵です！ 彼らは西洋で失われた無実を持っています。

Japan, like most Eastern cultures is very patriarchal, bordering on officially sanctioned misogyny.  I could go on and on about why this is so, despite the extreme Westernization and "modernization" of the country.  But it would be pure speculation.  Certainly, much of it is born out of deep and longstanding traditions generated during the tribalism of pre-history.  But I suspect the modern manifestation of male dominance imbedded in male-female relations is now more a product of extreme insecurity and a sense of inadequacy by boys and men -- collectively borne at a very sub-conscious level, of course -- than it is a reflection of the inheritance of rigorous structural societal norms.  This probably sounds like extremely superficial pop psychology, masking as a gracious critique.  But I'm hardly apologizing for what I observe might be vagina envy or something even more ridiculously unflattering and ultimately embarrassing or pernicious. 



Isn't there a homily that goes like this?:  We worship that which flatters us, love what we can dominate, ridicule what we find puzzling, lash out at what we don't understand, enslave and torment that which reminds us how pitiful and primitive we ultimately are.

They celebrate Valentines Day here -- it's a distinctly Japanese version of the love holiday -- which like everything else in the U.S. has been turned into just more marketing, churning out of kitsch, and indulging in commodified histrionics.  Pumping up the GDP is the only reason for anything and everything, after all.  They'll be putting a meter on my love muscle and collecting a surtax any day now.

Right in line with everything that goes on here, especially involving human interaction, there's a sweet innocence to Valentines Day, remindful of a time before my time and thus not something I can duly remember.  But think of Frank Capra movies and extrapolate.



It's innocent to be sure, but the guys are still in charge.  Yes, on Valentines Day, the guys in Japan just sit back and the girls pile it on -- chocolate, that is.  From what I can tell, none of the giving is based on hot passion, hot sex, hot anticipation.  Basically, the message is:  "I'm a girl and you're a boy and you're not all that bad."  Or maybe:  "I like you.  I think.  Call me maybe?"

As an English teacher, I got my share of Valentines chocolates from ladies of all ages.  Yes, I mean ALL ages.  From 7 years old to 60, 70, and beyond!

And all I was obligated to do was collect it, smile, say ありがとうございました (thank you so very much), then eat it at my convenience.



I almost felt guilty about all of the attention.

Then again . . .

There's a payback.  But it's very asymmetrical.  It happens exactly one month later.

March 14th is called White Day. 

Stay tuned.


[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . http://jdrachel.com ]



Life In Japan: Valentines Day

Dat bitch is my favorite ‘ho!

 
I've been so far off the mark.

But I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong.

Until I watched the video shown below, I didn't appreciate the incredible contrast between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton when it came to women.

As we all know from all of the news reports, exposés, damning anecdotes, salacious videos, law suits, personal testimonies, affidavits, well-researched and documented media reports, Donald Trump is a misogynistic, chauvinistic, groping pig.  He's probably a rapist as well.  He and Vladimir probably go club-hopping hitting on women, use them as sex toys, then callously discard them when their libido has run its course.  This as a last resort, when they are unsuccessful at kidnapping middle school girls trying to make it home, following hours of hard work at a local Russian Orthodox church Bible study class.

By contrast, I now see, Hillary Clinton stands for the highest standards of decency, equal opportunity and esteem for women both in the work place and in public spaces.  Hillary has built her presidential campaign and much of her inspiring career around working for an America where women are treated with respect and civility, never wavering in her commitment to caring and sensitivity, selflessly holding herself up as a role model.

The crucial thing is that Hillary never compromises for convenience or advantage.

And the voters love her for it!

Just look at how the crowd goes wild at this campaign concert in Cleveland, featuring performances by Jay Z and Beyoncé.

As Hillary gratefully announces from the stage:  "This is what America is, my friends!"

I love the way the crowd sings along.  Some of my favorite truly inspiring lines . . .

Hey! You little stupid ass bitch, I ain’t fuckin’ with you
You little, you little dumb ass bitch

One time for my LA sisters,
One time for my LA hoes  Lame niggas can’t tell the difference
One time for a nigga who know

Anybody is a killer, all you gotta do is push ‘em to the limps
Fuck being timid in the Civic
Politicin’ with the pushers and the pimps
I’m trine write a story, can I get a glimpse?

I tell a bad bitch do whatever I say
My block behind me like I’m coming out the driveway

She tryna get me that poo tang
I might let my crew bang

Middle finger to the law
Nigga gripping by balls
All the ladies they love me
From the bleachers they screaming

How can you improve on that, eh?

 
Of course, this reflects the new political/social consciousness, where spectacle and politics are conflated, and even the world-shaping decisions and personal responsibility of voting are swirled together with entertainment and celebrity worship into a thick fog of posturing and over-the-top extravaganza, puerile pageantry, empty feel-good rhetoric, requiring no real principled commitments, vision, consistency, common decency or common sense. 

I can see now why they call them political "parties".  Yo, nigga!

Recall that I already voted for Jill Stein, via an absentee ballot.

Somehow I still feel real good about that.

To paraphrase some of Hillary's supporters . . .

Dat bitch is my favorite 'ho!
 



[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . http://jdrachel.com ]


Dat bitch is my favorite ‘ho!