Another 5-Star Review: Blinders Keepers

People are still reading Blinders Keepers!

Just got another 5-star review posted all over the book-o-sphere. Here it is on Amazon, showing up four days ago:

“Noah is on the run after becoming the innocent suspect in a terrorist bus bombing in a dystopian, extremely near, future US, in which society is on the verge of political, economic (and astronomical) implosion. Noah is an everyman and you see the world through his trusting and rather loving eyes as he races across the country through communes, bee farms, burning man, the hacker-saboteur political underground, and eventually winds up face to face with the highest reaches of deep state power, which turn out to be all too intimate and familial. It’s all very serious, and occasionally quite dark. Except it’s funny as hell. Rachel is an immensely witty and readable writer, whose verbal flights are always aimed at evocation (I’ve never read as vivid a description of burning man) and laughter. It’s a comic political picaresque, equal emphasis on comedy and politics, without a single dull page.  Why haven’t you heard of it? Because it’s too good and too much fun, that’s why.” – brecht (reviewer)

Mind you, I wrote this book almost seven years ago. Specific incidents aside, as whacky and outrageously funny as it apparently is, I think it’s astonishing how well it captures the absurdity and circus-like environment of our current politics.

If you want a good laugh to dispel some of the anxiety and pessimism which saturates the media and political landscape, take it for a spin.

I think you’ll like it a lot!

Kindle ebook from Amazon (US) . . . amzn.to/1IiodLp
Kindle ebook from Amazon (Canada) . . . amzn.to/1RQxrRW
Kindle ebook from Amazon (Great Britain) . . . amzn.to/2IjFWmm
Nook Book from Barnes & Noble . . . bit.ly/1mPC6a5
iBook from the Apple Store . . . apple.co/1JmzENg
Ebook from Scribd . . . bit.ly/37xgdos
Ebook from Kobo . . . bit.ly/2qStRw4
Ebook from Kobo Indigo (Canada) . . . bit.ly/1OET2qg
Every popular ebook format at Smashwords . . . bit.ly/1kb5Axk
Paperback from Amazon (US) . . . amzn.to/1Ohf9T7
Paperback direct from the printer . . . bit.ly/1krvHQM

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

Another 5-Star Review: Blinders Keepers | John Rachel

The Ultimate Punctuation Mark

Language and grammar are dynamic; ever-evolving; adapting to new usage, current trends and fads. There’s no reason to pass judgment on this, as many academics and publishers of dictionaries might presume to do. You can’t set language and punctuation in stone any more than you can declare that the sun will shine every Monday or outlaw oxidation.

Do you remember the interrobang?

While it didn’t really catch on, it did address a gap in our ability to have a final punctuation mark reflect the entire mood and intent of the language that preceded it. It’s a combination of a question mark and an exclamation point, allowing a statement to both act as a query and express awe, amazement, excitement, marvel, wonder, approval, acclaim, shock, and so on.

What in the world is going on with the Catholic Church and organ trafficking?!

Now, I should have been able to put an interrobang at the end of that exclamatory question, but as I said, it didn’t really catch on. At least, I can’t find it on the keyboard of my laptop.

The point is, as useful as something might potentially be for language and grammar, it’s actually impossible to dictate use and guarantee general acceptance.

So now I’m about to attempt the impossible.

Yes, I’ve come up with a new punctuation mark!

And without intending to blow my horn, bring undeserved attention to my genius, or capitalize on your gullibility as a reader of my articles, I’d like to say unequivocally that this innovative punctuation mark, aside from any other merits it might have, completely and thoroughly sums up the current mood — fear? despair? cynicism? resignation? — of a huge segment of the people living on the planet, the ones who have some idea what a horrible mess we as a species are now in.

Here it is . . .

Does it look familiar? It should.

An important question: Will it be useful?

A more important question: How long will it be around?

Maybe a better question to ask: If my new punctuation mark really does work, really captures the zeitgeist of our troubled times, how long will we be around to use it?

(Sure wish I had that damn interrobang on my computer. I could have used it at the end of that last question.)

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

The Ultimate Punctuation Mark | John Rachel

Shameless Self-Promotion Redux

Why should I be ashamed to let people know about my books? I worked hard on them, am proud of my work, and honestly didn’t write them for glory and money — though I admit I certainly wouldn’t turn away either — but merely put a smile on some sad faces out there or a twinkle in a few eyes dulled by bad TV and too many computers and smart phones.

It’s genuinely hard to wrap my head around this literary excursion. It’s been thirteen years since I got serious about writing full-length books. Yes, it all started in 2008 while I was teaching English right here in Tambasasayama, now my permanent hometown. Little did I know back then I’d marry a lovely Japanese lady and then so enthusiastically embrace the idea of making Japan my permanent place of residence. Petrocelli was my first novel, written in my spare time between teaching classes. Now I have a total of 13 finished, published works, another novel coming out in spring 2022 — Love Connection: Romance in the Land of the Rising Sun. There’s also a completed travel/fantasy/cookbook which may never see the light of day called What Do Mermaids Eat? — I’m still looking for a publisher).

Wow! Fifteen books in 13 years! “I’ve got blisters on my fingers!” (Why does that sound familiar?)

Anyway . . . moving on to the self-promotion, shameless or not. Until January 1st, all of the ebooks pictured at the top of the page are 50-75% off at Smashwords, a premium ebook sales channel. If you want to dive in, the links can be found HERE.

Oh . . . but there’s more! Amazon has a special on The Man Who Loved Too Much trilogy Kindle ebooks. Are you ready for this? Only 99 cents each!

People love this book! . . . 5-star reviews at Amazon (US) 

Go for it! Here are the links . . .

Book 1 from Amazon (Kindle)

Book 2 from Amazon (Kindle)

Book 3 from Amazon (Kindle)

Recognizing we’re closing in fast on Christmas, you still might want to look at this . . .

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

Shameless Self-Promotion Redux | John Rachel

Woke Venus de Milo

It was a tense few hours yesterday at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It wasn’t a large crowd that had gathered — 50 or 60 — but they were focused, angry, and determined to right a grotesque situation which one angry protester said “had gone on way too long.”

The object of their derision and evident nausea was the marble rendering of Venus de Milo by Alexandros of Antioch, a Greek sculptor of the Hellenistic Age.

The incensed mob, wielding ropes, pick axes, and sledgehammers fought their way past the security guards attempting to block the entrance doors, then rushed at the offending sculpture. Had not the museum’s director intervened, no question that this masterpiece, which had graced the lobby for several decades, would within minutes have been turned into a pile of over-priced gravel.

A spokesperson who might have just arrived from an Insane Clown Posse concert or an Extinction Rebellion rally shouted through a bullhorn.

“How can you have such a disgusting symbol of primitive values in full sight of not just undeserving adults but the thousands of children who come here? It’s exploitative, gender rigid, misogynistic, insensitive — just plain WRONG, WRONG, WRONG on every level. How many innocent boys have been turned into haters and rapists by this sexualized carving, this symbol of moral anarchy, this overt enticement to erotic anarchy? How many young girls been body-shamed and driven to suicide by its faux submission to modesty and subliminal glorification of coquetry?”

Without having any clue what the leader of the woke mob was saying, Max Hollein, current Appointed Director of the Met, managed to calm the irate protesters down, and convince the grumbling, weeping, giggling, frantic, but mostly neutered protestors that something could be worked out, a compromise was possible. No way was Mr. Hollein going to stand by while such a masterpiece was turned into rubble.

The world-renowned museum was closed for three days. Behind the locked doors, the woke protesters went to work. There was understandably a lot of back-and-forth between the woke crowd and the staff who ignorantly still embraced a traditional world view, but eventually compromises were made, the museum re-opened, and visitors hungry for the enrichment of great art were able to fully enjoy an “acceptable”, fully PC-friendly version of the disputed sculpture, one which was pan-gender sensitive and fully inclusive.

As one of the protesters promoting the transformation of society to a higher state of woke consciousness said: “My gender is neutrois and my pronouns are xe, xem xyr. Xe think this is great! We are one step closer to a world which makes sense for everybody, not just some lascivious old white men.”

[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]

Woke Venus de Milo | John Rachel

Life In Japan: Jennifer the Cat, Media Darling!

As an attention-starved author and overgrown baby, I of course am always trying to attract publicity.  Again, one of my kitties has humbled yours truly by being featured in our local newspaper.
 
Maybe I'm approaching this wrong.  Do I need to learn how to purr to get noticed around here?

Of course, the selection of local pets for cameos is not random.  And since our kitties are the most beautiful in the world, what choice is there but to run their photos and say a few complimentary, if inadequate words?  I'm frankly surprised they don't write them up on the front page with a huge eye-catching headline like . . .

JENNIFER THE CAT STEALS EVERYONE'S HEART IN SASAYAMA

. . . or create a special standalone section for them like the Arts & Culture Magazine of the New York Times.

You think I'm biased?  Check out these photos!

Which gets to the heart of the challenge for me personally.  At least in the cuteness department, I simply can't compete.  So I need to create my own separate niche.

I got it!  I'll write novels!  Incredibly cute novels.  With cute covers.  And cute characters.  Cute story lines.  Cute plot twists.

Novels that purr!

Hmm . . . I may have gotten off to a bad start. Politics?  Satire?  Human trafficking?  Growing up in Detroit?  The end of the world?  Drug smuggling?  Eating giraffes?

What's cute about any of that?



[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . https://jdrachel.com ]



Life In Japan: Jennifer the Cat, Media Darling!

The Hands-Down Ultimate Super-Bowl of Showdowns!

 

Hey, fight fans.

Here it is! 

The one you've been waiting for.

It's going to be the battle of the ages!

Nothing like this has ever occurred in the history of the world.

Yes, folks . . . it's a showdown that will reverberate till the end of time!

No, they'll never stop talking about this head-to-head clash of the greatest titans EVER!

Are you ready to rumble?!! 

Have you got your seat belts fastened?

Are you wearing your rubber diapers?

In this corner, coming off two decades of undefeated combat with environmentalists and eco-scientists, teary-eyed tree huggers, Al Gore, and other addled acolytes of Gaia . . .

CLIMATE CHANGE!

And its opponent, veteran of decades of terror struck into the hearts of citizens across the globe, a warrior whose very name brings vision of untold desolation and suffering . . .

NUCLEAR WAR!

Which one will leave the battle, its opponent curled up and writhing on the edge of death, humiliated, beaten, savaged by the overwhelming power and cunning of the competition?

Remember . . . This is a fight to the death!

 

What's at stake?  Ha!  This is not some girlie-boy contest, a phony reality show, another froofy sport like hot-oil wading pool arm wrestling, three-legged gymnastics team dancing, or naked Ken and Barbie ping pong.

This is serious business, lades and gentlemen!  As in . . . DEAD SERIOUS!

Only one of these ferocious fighters will lay claim to the ULTIMATE TITLE, and be able to say with the blood lust pride of a true warrior, a barbarian who embraces no moderation, a heartless amoral killer who knows no rules, feels no compassion, and has no conscience: 

"It was I who destroyed the human race!"

Will it be Climate Change turning the Earth into an uninhabitable pile of dust, dead fields of dried withered stalks, rotting corpses, extinct species, desiccating trees and shrubs -- a barren wasteland where cockroaches frantically run wild looking for something to eat?

Or will it be Nuclear War turning the Earth into a radioactive pile of dust, dead fields of dried withered stalks, rotting corpses, extinct species, desiccating trees and shrubs -- a barren wasteland where cockroaches frantically run wild looking for something to eat?

OH YEAH, BABY!  This is going to be truly awesome!

So stay tuned, folks.  Watch this battle AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

And remember.  You can only get it here, exclusively on . . .

The Apocalypse Channel!




[ This originated at the author's personal website . . . http://jdrachel.com ]


The Hands-Down Ultimate Super-Bowl of Showdowns!

Blinders Keepers

 

In this dark comedy, a young fellow who escapes his hopelessly hayseed home town in Missouri is mistakenly labeled a terrorist and must survive a fierce manhunt by government security agencies, while the President of an America in chaos and collapse takes desperate measures, attempting to reclaim control and get himself re-elected.

Blinders Keepers is social-political satire in the tradition of Jonathan Swift, Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller, but revved up and spit-shined to take on the historic new levels of absurdity and dysfunction of the 21st Century. It is one young man's struggle to survive the epic disintegration of the American Dream.

Published June 1 of this year, this semi-frivolous, quasi-serious, mini-epic in a major key is available in every popular format for literature lovers across the English-speaking world.

As a Kindle ebook from Amazon (US) . . . http://amzn.to/122cnyF
As a paperback from Amazon (US) . . . http://amzn.to/11zaEjm
As a Nook Book from Barnes & Noble . . . http://bit.ly/17MtgjE
As an iBook from the Apple Store . . . http://bit.ly/11WqJiv
As an ebook from Kobo . . . http://bit.ly/18wHki2
As an EPUB ebook from Sony . . . http://bit.ly/11GNrLz
Every popular ebook format at Smashwords . . . http://bit.ly/190zmgs
As a paperback from the printer . . . http://bit.ly/10SPPyS
Direct from the publisher . . . http://bit.ly/14j2VGy

But let's face it. There are so many books out there!

Overwhelmed? Don't feel alone. You might want to check out the first video trailer . . .

. . . or listen to what the vitamin-deficient author himself has to say in this interview. 
Okaaaaaay!

The truth is, against all odds, oohs and aahs are pouring in from all corners of the globe. Following are some carefully edited excerpts from unsolicited reader comments posted at Amazon (it is the opinion of the administrators of this website that expletives and death threats serve no constructive role vis-a-vis the literary merits of the novel):

"Blinders Keepers" is an example of how to successfully mix political observations, humor, and creativity . . . This is a great book to unwind with at the end of the day. Just sit back and let the insanity unfold. The prose is well written with a fresh voice and will have you grinning whether you like it or not. –  Nicole Disney 

"Blinders Keepers" is the latest star of my "show this to the next person who says indie novels suck" list. Here's your novel by an unknown writer, from a press so indie it amounts to "self-publishing by proxy", with an oddball, non directive title and a vague cover. What's to like? Well... THE BOOK! It's WAY cool. –  Linton Robinson

This book is interesting, fun, and witty, with a wry, sardonic sense of humor__a Vonnegut meets Christopher Moore drive-it-like-you-stole-it joyride! –  T. Rood

Blinders Keepers is a fugitive quest set in the near future in an America none of us would want. In its futurist setting, it aligns with 1984, Brave New World, and The Handmaid's Tale, all cautionary stories about how bad things might get if we don't wake up and smell the decaf. –  Gerald Everett Jones

Comparisons to Kotzwinkle, Tom Robbins and Ishmael Reed are not that far off the mark . . . Rachel is very, very good. He has a lively style and is very gifted at original, catchy similes and metaphors. His insights are interesting and he lays them in with finesse. His style and voice don't suffer from comparison to the writers mentioned above. Much more enjoyable than Palahniuk, to single out one. He's a fun writer, but also a solid, focused one who knows what he's doing. –  Linton Robinson

I AM ONLY 2% into the book and it has blown away every other good book I've read. . . . Being a fan of John Rachel I know him to give offbeat stories that are almost beyond description. – Grandma Snyder

But don't take their word for it. Make up your own mind!

As the essence of good literature is allegory and allegory is like giving LSD to a toddler raised on a porch in Appalachia, here is the second video trailer for Blinders Keepers.

Now! Time to pull out all the stops. Here's the opening sub-chapter of Blinders Keepers, based on a verifiable historical event but modified at the discretion of the author to align with the instructions given by a voice in his head __ a dreary character who without any irony claims to be the orthopedic surgeon for St. Ignatius of Loyola. It takes all kinds.

CHAPTER ONE
State of the Union

It was that time of year again. Last week of January.

The President was making his much anticipated State of the Union Address.

After the usual greetings and initial courtesies — thanking everyone for coming, acknowledging the important players in all branches of the government, and offering gracious regards for a few special invited guests — the President delivered the type of crowd-pleasing line which has been the linchpin of State of the Union addresses for as long as anyone cared to remember.

“As I stand before this great body and look out at the faces of those who have dedicated themselves to this great nation, I can say with absolute confidence that America is on strong and certain footing.”

Then abruptly his expression changed, he shook his head and stopped speaking. Hands grasping the edges of the podium, he looked down at his feet and appeared to be lost in thought.

What followed was both unexpected and certainly unprecedented. He looked back up. Gone was the confident smile, the twinkle in his eye, the arched optimistic brow. He appeared somber, a touch sad, apologetic.

“Who am I trying to fool here? You, my respected Congressmen? Some of the finest legislators to ever hold public office? The excellent justices of the Supreme Court who preside over the greatest legal institution in history? Myself? No, I’m not here to try to fool anyone. These are times unlike any this nation has ever seen. So I’ll tell you exactly what the state of our union is. It’s a fucking mess!”

A deathly silence filled the entire congressional chamber. If a pin had dropped, it would have been possible to know its exact size and just how many times it bounced. What wasn’t entirely clear was if they had somehow missed what he just said, or if they had heard it, but it hadn’t actually registered. Blank faces and unfocused eyes filled the chamber.

Then, as if being directed by some invisible conductor, or moved by an invisible resonant force field, everyone immediately stood up and began with thunderous applause, cheering, and raucous acclamation, to give him a huge standing ovation. This went on and on, for several minutes at least, never in the least waning in intensity. The President smiled and waved, basking in the adulation. Finally, he had enough and made it clear he had more that he wanted to say. Using a palm’s down gesturing with his hands, he eventually got them to sit back down.

“So here’s what we’re gonna do. I want you all to look down at the floor. Now pull your pant legs up over your calves. What do you see? For those senators and congressman from Texas, this will be easy. You won’t have to imagine. The rest of you, just look and see what I’m seeing. See those loops. Those are bootstraps. Yes, bootstraps. Okay. Now look back up at me.”

Dramatically the President held up high in front of him his two index fingers.

“See these? What we’re gonna do is take these and insert them right in those bootstraps. Then all together, we’re gonna lift. We’re gonna lift like no one has ever lifted before. And we’re gonna pick ourselves up. We’re gonna pick ourselves up and we’re gonna stay up. Do you know why? I’ll tell you why. Because this is America. This is the greatest country that ever was or ever will be. And as we have demonstrated time and time again, as we have shown the naysayers and skeptics over and over, this is one country that can do it. We will do it! Yes! By God we will do it! Ladies and gentlemen, thanks to each and every one of you for your unselfish dedication, your unwavering patriotism, your honorable service to this great country. God bless America!”

Everyone in the chamber, congressman, jurists, ushers, guards, special guests, select members of the press, again leaped to their feet. The response this time was totally over the top. It made the first ovation look like they had been standing graveside at a wake.

Suddenly and without warning, over the explosive din of the hysterical whooping and yelling, could be heard blasting from P.A. speakers hidden behind the long drapes at the rear of the gallery, the U.S. Army band playing Happy Days Are Here Again. This theatrical touch just added to the ongoing chain reaction, notching the hysteria up another two levels.

With climactic flair which rivaled the best Superbowl half-time shows, red, white and blue balloons then dropped from the ceiling. Like crazed, frenetic school children, the congressman start batting them around.

Maybe the country was going to hell in a hand basket. But darn it all, there was no reason to get all down in the mouth about it.


[ This originated at the author's personal web site . . . http://jdrachel.com ]